


Gray and Blue

by StrawberryLix



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Childhood Friends, Fluff, M/M, Nostalgia, Summer, dancer!Yunho, idol!mingi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:21:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25387447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawberryLix/pseuds/StrawberryLix
Summary: On his way back home from the dance studio, Yunho remembers some old memories of bygone days.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho & Song Mingi, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Gray and Blue

Yunho liked dancing. The way his body moved on its own when he heard the music play; the way it just naturally moved to every command he gave to it, like it was made to do so for the simple act of allowing every sound to flow through his limbs like the blood surged through his veins. He liked it so much that as a matter of course, he had enrolled into a dance academy when he had turned eleven. 

The engine of the tram rumbled quietly in the background as Yunho watched the first few rays of sunlight emerge from the horizon; tinting the city into a warm shade of red and orange. The tips of his hair were damp from sweat and his t-shirt clung to his body uncomfortably, but Yunho did not mind. Ten years later, he still liked dancing. So much that he did not mind spending another night practicing at the studio until dawn broke. His parents were long used to it.

Yunho let his gaze wander around the tram. Whereas he was letting his day come to an end, others were starting theirs; men and women in neat office suits sprawled around the wagon; checking their phones like they were glued to them. Even one or another early highschooler was to be found in the manageable-sized bunch. The seat next to him was empty.

Yunho averted his gaze and turned his head towards the window; resting it against it as he watched the scenery fly past him through the fingerprint-stained glass. It was only early in the morning, but the warmth of summer was evident even within these cabins. Yunho knew this city like the backside of his pocket; having grown up in it. With every image passing him by in the moving tram, there was a memory attached to it. Maybe that was why he kept finding himself taking detours instead of directly heading home after dance practices. Maybe it was because he liked reminding himself of what had already passed.

Driving by the city park in its still calm morning beauty, devoid of all people that might roam about at day, Yunho spotted a children’s bike that had been forgotten or abandoned, carelessly thrown onto the ground near a tree, before the image had already flown into the distance again.

_“How old is that thing?” he asked with a disgusted expression as his best friend presented his ‘new’ bicycle to him._

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_“Don’t know,” Mingi returned without any notice of the former’s distaste as he hopped onto the rusty vehicle in an easy swing, “but check this out!” He cycled around Yunho with enthusiasm before he darted off into the distance on the dangerously wobbly bicycle and vanished behind a pair of trees. Yunho ran after him, as fast as his short legs could carry him in the burning summer sun. He came to a stop under the shadow of a massive oak tree, catching his breath and welcoming the relieving blow of wind that caressed his cheek for a moment._

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_Mingi appeared a few moments later, braking so hard he nearly launched himself off the bike. “Isn’t it cool?” A bright grin was plastered all over his face. “Our neighbor gave it to me. ‘Kids these days need to be active and healthy’, he said.”_

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_“It looks like it’s gonna fall apart any second.”_

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_“Don’t say that! I like it!” Mingi pouted, protectively clinging to the crooked handlebars while still remaining seated; his feet barely reaching the ground. Yunho wanted to say something, but he decided to keep it to himself._

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_“Come on, hop on!” his best friend urged him, ringing the bell a few times for emphasis. It miraculously still worked despite looking like it had completely rusted away a long time ago. With hesitancy, Yunho climbed the backseat and slightly shuddered when he heard the metal creak underneath him, before he held tight onto Mingi’s shoulders with a pout of his own._

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_Mingi immediately set off, pedaling as fast as his small body could handle. The mild breeze that hit Yunho’s face at once made him let out a sigh of contentment as he closed his eyes for a moment. With the the sound of the rustling wind in one ear, and Mingi’s shrieking laughter in the other, Yunho decided that the old deformed bike wasn’t all that bad anymore._

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_The adrenaline rush filled his heart with excitement. Giggling, he tightened his grip around Mingi’s shoulders._

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_“Hey, we’ll fall off!” the latter complained, struggling to keep the bike in balance after the initial shock._

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_“So what?” Yunho laughed. He grabbed Mingi even tighter; around his waist this time. He knew the other one was ticklish there. Another bolt from Mingi made it hard to stay seated, but Yunho held on for the sake of annoying his friend as much as he could manage before they fell off._

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_With all their yelling, they drew the attention and looks of curious and partly concerned adults in their direction._

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_But seeing Mingi smile and laugh like that, with his disheveled hair and stained t-shirt, his small eyes crinkling into even smaller crescents, Yunho found himself not being able to care in the slightest._

He watched his reflection in the window as countless trees, houses, and lampposts flew past. His dark brown hair and equally dark eyes seemed so much lighter on his mirrored self in the pinkish morning glow. 

Yunho watched as the reflection wavered with every jerk of the tram on the railway; watched how the longer he stared into this face, the more foreign it somehow seemed to him.

Yunho stopped watching. His stop had come up, and he left the tram with his backpack slung over one shoulder. 

The mellow air felt stagnant in his lungs as he walked the rest of the way back home. Daisies adorned the sides of the concrete path before it split into a fork. Yunho stopped there for a while and let his eyes wander over the two familiar trees that towered on each side like guards protecting this passage.

_“Be careful!” Mingi called out to him. The rope under his feet was steady, but seemed so much thinner than when he had fastened it around the trunks before._

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_“Don’t worry, I’ve seen this on tv. It’s easy,” Yunho assured. “You only have to hold your balance. With all that dance practice, we should be experts!”_

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_Mingi was not convinced; worry evident in his eyes. “I’m still not coming up! If you get hurt, don’t start crying for me. I told you.”_

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_“I won’t get-”_

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_Yunho could not finish his sentence before he felt himself wavering on the tightrope and plummeting down in seconds. His head spun and his legs hurt, while he tried to uplift himself from the hard ground that was stocked with uneven patches of lush grass._

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_“Yunho!”_

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_Mingi had rushed to him in moments; trying to help him up with careful hands. With his initial dizziness slowly fading, Yunho saw the honest worry in Mingi’s eyes that seemed to have focused onto a certain part of his body. “Does it hurt?”_

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_“Does what hurt?” he asked and looked down on himself; only now noticing the single crimson droplets dripping down his knees._

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_“Oh.”_

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_“Why did you even think this was a good idea? Just because you saw some people on tv doing this…” It sounded like Mingi was scolding him. Mingi, out of all people._

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_Somehow, that ignited a fond spark in Yunho’s chest. He could not help but let out a snort._

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_“It’s no big deal and it was fun. You’re just too scared to even try it!”_

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_“I’m not!” Mingi snapped with a gasp._

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_“Scaredy-cat!” Yunho continued to tease, forgetting all about the sting in his knees._

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_“I’ve never been scared of anything in my life! Not even of the scary movies on tv!”_

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_“You were scared last week when Sunggyu put that worm into your bag.”_

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_“That doesn’t count, Sunggyu is mean!” Mingi crossed his arms in front of his chest with the biggest pout he could muster up; averting his eyes on purpose as he pretended to sulk. Yunho saw right through him and laughed. He limped to the tree trunk to unfasten the rope he had tied before; standing on tippy toes to reach it._

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_“Stop moping and help me get this down. I need to bring it back to the garage before dad finds out I took it.”_

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_“Fine,” Mingi huffed._

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_Both of them got to work to fiddle with the rope. The summer air was mild, and butterflies danced in the air. Glancing over to his friend and watching him purse his lips in concentration as he tugged on the piece of rope, Yunho smiled to himself._

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_With Mingi by his side, everything was all right._

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Yunho walked past the trees and left them behind before any more memories could find their way into his head. He ignored the empty feeling that had been spreading through him with each step he took. His surroundings had long since transformed into the outer parts of town; fields and grasses stretching up to the houses in the distance. 

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Looking up at the sky, the waning moon seemed to fade away in the orange glow.

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______________________________________________________

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Despite the early hour, the streets were already fairly busy. Mingi blamed it on the rush hour and leaned back further into his seat. 

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His bright red hair was not styled and there were dark bags under his eyes, not covered by any sort of make-up. But it did not matter. He had no schedule to attend today; or even tomorrow. 

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The taxi driver cursed under his breath; already annoyed by the traffic jam he definitely was not paid enough for. Mingi tuned out any further comments and stared out of the window. The first rays of sunlight peeked out from the horizon and painted the old and familiar city in warm shades. It had been a while for Mingi to gaze upon this particular sight. There usually was no time to visit his parents' house with all his packed schedules. 

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He took a few moments to breathe. 

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The traffic became bearable when they finally left downtown. Less cars, less houses and more fields and trees stretching across the landscape. Years had passed and yet it all still looked the same. 

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The shallow but wide creek following him on the way sparkled in the early morning glow; reflecting not only rays of light but also sudden memories. Mingi stared at it until he lost himself in the clear waves.

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_“Argh! I can’t find it!” his best friend shouted from the other side of the creek, helplessly waddling around with only one shoe on his feet. Mingi moved through the stream with slow strides until he reached the bank, and found leverage within its stony ground. The cool water ran down his bare calves in the scorching summer sun and he squinted his eyes trying to look up to the other boy, who vanished into another pair of bushes._

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_Only rustling leaves were heard, before Yunho emerged from the thicket again with droopy eyes. “It’s okay, we’ll find it!” Mingi encouraged, walking up the slope to meet the other there. The grass underneath his feet was pleasantly warm and tickling at once, and for a moment, Mingi did not know why they had to wear shoes at all when walking felt so much nicer without them._

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_They spent what felt like hours searching for Yunho’s lost shoe that had been thrown away in a haze when they wanted to play in the refreshing stream of the creek. It had vanished into nowhere all of a sudden._

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_Dejected, Yunho sat down into a pile of daisies that grew close to the creek; staring into the gentle flow of the water that went by with a feeling of calmness and peace. Mingi joined him. A few birds chirped somewhere in the background._

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_“Mom will scold me,” Yunho said with his arms slung around his legs and his chin resting on top of his knees. It was silent for a while, with only the sound of the flowing water between them, before Mingi got up and waddled back down to the creek again. He came back shortly after, his own shoes in his hand, before he offered them to Yunho._

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_"I'll give you mine."_

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_Yunho looked at him with wide eyes for a moment, before he frowned. "She's going to see those aren't mine and ask what happened."_

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_"Then you can say we traded. Actually," Mingi bent down to rip the other shoe off Yunho's foot, who flinched at the sudden gesture, "I just decided that we traded. That's my shoe now." He threw his own pair over. "Those are yours."_

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_Yunho was stunned and at a loss for words. He looked at Mingi's determined expression for a long time, before he erupted into a laugh so sweet, Mingi could swear it lit up the forest more than any sunlight ever could. The corners of his own mouth curved upward nearly immediately; the loose shoe still dangling in the air as he held it by the laces._

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_“No one wants to be scolded. But I’ll be here,” Mingi affirmed, “and whatever happens, I’m sure we’ll get on fine.”_

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_Yunho put on the pair of sneakers with ease and heaved himself up. “Promise?”_

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_He held out his pinky for Mingi, and he interlocked them, like they always did._

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_"Promise."_

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_Yunho's eyes were bright and lively, and adoration pooled within them._

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_"Also, don't forget we've got dance practice this evening!" Mingi reminded him. Yunho sighed dramatically and let his shoulders slump forward. "Ah, why did you have to remind me! I don't like this new teacher."_

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_Mingi gave him a gentle hit to the side. "Let's get going." He did not even bother putting on the single shoe and instead stayed barefooted._

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_Laughing about everything and nothing, the two boys made their way back home on that summer day._

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_“We’ll stay together forever, okay?”_

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_He smiled at the offhanded question. Yunho probably did not even realize he had voiced it aloud, yet it was the simplest question anyone could have asked Mingi._

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_“Of course.”_

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The luggage he heaved out of the boot was not too heavy, but somehow weighed down on him with a much bigger force. Watching the taxi drive off into the distance, Mingi stood there with his suitcase in one hand, before he turned around to face the house he grew up in. Tendrils of ivy wound themselves along the brick walls like they were engulfing them in a tight hold. His parents would most likely still be asleep, not even knowing about his sudden arrival. 

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Mingi took a seat on the sandstone stairs in front of the entrance door and listened to the silence of the neighborhood in the early morning. The air was much fresher here than in the crowded and polluted city of Seoul. 

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He looked up at the waning moon and marveled at its fading beauty, so close to getting swallowed up by the continuously rising sun. It felt like it soothed the hidden hurt in his heart at least the slightest bit.

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The few steps he walked up to the door were suddenly too heavy on his legs and Yunho stopped before he had climbed the last one. His legs felt limp, making him consider that maybe he had overdone it with practice tonight. 

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He sighed and let himself rest on the stairs for a while. The neighborhood was calm around him, a few birds already chirping to announce the day, but it didn't feel right. He took a breath of fresh air to ventilate his stifling lungs, but it didn't feel right. 

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_"Why didn't you tell me? How could you not tell me?!"_

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Yunho looked up at the moon. It was barely visible anymore; driven out by the cheerful and bright rays of sunlight that warmed up the air and ground with every passing minute. He closed his eyes. 

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_"It was an opportunity! You would've done the same in my situation!"_

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He breathed in. 

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_"Like hell I would've!"_

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And out. 

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A weight as heavy as rocks pressed down onto his chest. It was a known feeling to him, but it was still hard to explain why he could not make it go away as easily as he wanted to. Something old was haunting him; something Yunho did not want to think about anymore. He carded his index finger through the leftovers of dirt on the steps, and watched how it left traces in the groove of his fingertip.

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_With a_ bang _the door fell shut behind him as Yunho stormed out of the practice room and into the stairwell. It was hard to run, and even harder to breathe, and salty tears welled up in the corners of his eyes; those he desperately wanted to hide but could not find the strength to. All strength he could muster up went into the feeling of anger; of betrayal. Somewhere behind him he heard the door to the practice room open, but it did not stop him from continuing to storm down the stairs._

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_“Yunho, wait!”_

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_He did not want to. He did not want to wait; did not want to listen. Someone grabbed his wrist from behind and he whirled around. Mingi was out of breath, the sweat-drenched brown hair sticking to his forehead from their practice session._

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_"Go away!" Yunho tried to free himself from Mingi's grip, but the latter did not let go; his grip as firm as iron. "Listen to me!"_

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_"I don't need to listen to you! You've made yourself clear just fine!"_

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_There was hurt in Mingi's dark eyes. They didn't glisten like stars anymore. Yunho saw it, but he pretended not to._

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_"Why would you say that? Shouldn't you be happy for me? Becoming an idol-"_

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_"Shut up!" Yunho roared. He was angry, he was furious. He did not want to hear anything. "You didn't tell me anything. You made this decision like it was nothing."_

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_"I did not!" Mingi's voice was close to sounding desperate. His eyes were glassy and Yunho saw his own ugly reflection in them; his disheveled hair, his knitted eyebrows, and his eyes full of disgusting repulsion._

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_"I thought about it for so long. But… but I was scared. I didn't want to leave you behind."_

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_Yunho scoffed. "You didn't want to leave me behind?" He wanted to tell himself to shut up, to be quiet, because he was not thinking straight. But his body did not obey. "How noble of you, really. Do you think I'm stupid?"_

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_Confusion struck Mingi’s expression. It was pitiful to look at. “What..? No!”  
Yunho’s wrist was still caught within his hold._

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You could’ve told me.

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_“Let me go,” Yunho commanded, voice deep and low. The confusion on Mingi's face shifted into disbelief._

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_"What the hell is your problem?!" he suddenly yelled; wrinkles of anger appearing on his maturing face._

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_"My problem?" Yunho exhaled. The laugh that escaped him was near cynical._

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I don't want you to leave. 

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_“My problem…,” he drew out the syllables one by one, “... is you.”_

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_It was dead silent. They were alone in the narrow but high stairwell, and the echoes of their previous shouting had died down completely. Mingi looked at him with an expression that could not be read; Yunho's wrist still in his hold all this time. Immediate regret flooded through Yunho and he could not stop the certain feeling of panic that came with it; his stomach clenching under the weight. He had never seen this expression on Mingi before._

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Please stay. 

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_A knot formed in his throat, and all of a sudden his eyes were watery again, but Mingi just looked at him with a chilled sadness that felt freezing on Yunho's skin._

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_He drew in a controlled breath before he spoke up again with words that hit Yunho harder than any slap could have._

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_"Will you ever stop thinking about yourself?"_

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_His head spun, his stomach churned, and the sight before his eyes blurred. A single tear rolled down Yunho’s cheek.The fingers around his wrist were warm, and somehow still gentle, while goosebumps spread all over his remaining skin. This is not what he wanted. This is not how he wanted it to go._

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Whatever happens, I’m sure we’ll get on fine.

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_An image of tangled laces, a rusted bicycle, and the mild summer breeze flashed before his mind. He couldn’t breathe anymore. Without any warning, the gentle and warm touch around his wrist loosened, until it disappeared completely._

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We’ll stay together forever, okay?

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_Mingi had let go. His hand slowly fell into place again next to his hip. Yunho could not look at him. He was embarrassed to look at him._

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_“I hate you,” he whispered, his voice nothing more than a faint and pathetic squeak. The last thing he saw before he turned around was the shift in Mingi’s eyes and the way he saw something in them break apart like clear glass._

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_“I don’t want to see you ever again.”_

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_Then he ran away._

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Specks of dirt crumbled down onto the concrete stairs. Yunho easily brushed off his finger on the side of his sweatpants to eradicate any leftovers, before he decided to get up. Stretching his sore limbs, he looked up again. The sky was tinged in a soft baby blue, with tints of washed out orange slowly fading away. The moon had melted into the atmosphere nearly completely; giving room to the bright rays of sunlight that welcomed the start of a new day with warmth. Yunho stared at the remains until they had faded completely; hoping that maybe at the other side, someone was staring back.

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Perhaps it could change anything. Perhaps, after all these years, he could finally bury the nagging guilt in his heart before it tore it apart.

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His key cracked in the lock with ease. It was dark inside the hallway; his family not yet awake and the windows barely letting in any light through the thick curtains. But it was so calm and quiet. 

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Calm like the soft summer breeze on a hot day when it caressed the skin of a young boy’s exhausted figure; quiet like the silence of two sleeping bodies resting against each other under a large oak tree in the safety of its shadows, without a care in the world.

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Maybe it was not too late to go back. Maybe it were his own feelings getting in the way of making a change; locking him away in the memories of the past. 

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But maybe, some things were never meant to be changed, for they simply reflect the roads we decide to take in our lives. 

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In the warm and gentle morning glow, Yunho let the door fall shut behind him.

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**Author's Note:**

> this fic is based on a song that i accidentally stumbled upon and immediately fell in love with:
> 
> [gray and blue (cover by soraru and mafumafu)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7y3DwuVxDq4)
> 
> i used the lyrics to create the story line for this one-shot. i think listening to it really brings out the mood i wanted to create, so i recommend checking it out for the "full" experience and thought process behind the fic (only if you want to of course).  
> thank you for reading and i hope some of you were able to enjoy this little story. i'd be happy about some comments for feedback ^^
> 
> if anyone wants to hit me up and talk about kpop, i've got a twitter (@seungsparkle). i mainly post about ateez and stray kids there


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